PAY WITH a SECRET

Description: Instead of paying in gil, feel free to pay via one personal secret unless stated otherwise. What the owners do with said secret is at their own discrepancy. Don't worry, it's not like they will use those secrets against you in any way. Any secret will do, big or small. You may whisper in one of their ears, or speak it out loud. The other owner is always listening.
RP HOOK: Sometimes our customers do get confused and share a secret of someone they know. Typically these are not accepted, but if they are funny enough, who knows what may happen.

"Fortunes Reversed" Clover PEndant

Cost: [Very Expensive GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A small golden three-leaf clover pendant that can either be clipped to a necklace or pinned to a collar.
Description: While a clover shape typically indicates fortune, this three-leaf variety does the complete opposite. Want to give someone an ounce of misfortune so they can mend their ways before something very misfortunate happens to them? Pin this to their clothing or give it as a gift. Share the love, and reap the rewards as wherever misfortune lingers, fortune is there to balance it out.
RP Hook: The wearer must roll with disadvantage once a day. The person who gave it to them rolls with advantage. If the pendant changes hands again, the fortune shifts to the new giver.

"Fast Fashion" Aetheric Runic Tattoo

Cost: [Expensive GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: This appears to be something like a sticker sheet with a clear layer on top of it. Interesting runic designs with labels ranging from: 'Aetheric Supression', 'Aetheric Enhancement', 'Stat Boosting' are available.
Description: Each runic design is created with the intention of being a bandaid over any problem it is labeled as covering. It will only last until parts rub off (usually up to 24 hours). To apply, simply peel off the front cover, slap it down over whatever body part you want, and wet the back for thirty seconds. This is a catch-all type solution, so it may have unintended consequences that a personalized version would not.
RP Hook: If you stick on more than one, good luck. The designs can be copied into real tattoos, provided a special aetherically-attuned ink is acquired. If you put it on random objects, do not blame us if they suddenly explode.

"Shared Trauma" Rings

Cost: [Very Expensive GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A pair of intertwined rings that cannot be worn by the same person. You must give one to another person.
Description: You said you wanted a deep connection? You said you liked the idea of "sensations shared"? Prove it. When these rings are worn, any physical pain or exhaustion experienced by one partner is perfectly mirrored in the other.
RP Hook: If your partner gets stabbed, you feel the blade. If your partner stubs their toe, you fall over. A beautiful test of true love, or a fantastic way to ensure your partner actually cares about your safety.

"Glitter Is Forever" Firecracker

Cost: [CHEAP GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: Looks like a small firecracker that sparkles when lit.
Description: When it explodes, it deals zero damage. Instead, it covers everyone in a 15 fulm radius with thick, golden and amethyst glitter.
RP Hook: There is no avoiding the glitter. In fact, you will find it here and there for the next month.

"Rain Fire" Cluster Fireworks

Cost: [EXPENSIVE GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A thick tube that is meant to be handheld or propped up. On the outside, there is a painted scene of rain falling with fire.
Description: Fires a cluster of fireworks. Upon impact, it creates a dazzling display of lights and smoke, heavily obscuring vision in a 15 fulm radius. For some reason, the makers decided to make it last for a full 6 minutes and 49 seconds. Long enough to make you wonder if it will ever stop.
RP Hook: Perfect for grand entrances or chaotic exits. Using this indoors is highly hilarious, but might be a fire hazard.

"Fool's Gold" Sparkler

Cost: [Impossibly Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A handheld sparkler that spits out illusions of kobans and gil that begin to pile up.
Description: This item gives the illusion of raining golden shiny coins. There is even an auditory component that sounds exactly like fallen cash. IT's beautiful and makes the user feel rich when lit, but ultimately, it leaves an emptiness behind when nothing remains behind on the floor.
RP Hook: Don't ask the owners why they made this.

"White Sun" Shell

Cost: [Moderate GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A fairly typical looking firework, with a white sun depicted on the side. It shoots directly up from its placement upon the ground.
Description: It explodes with such an intense white light that it appears to turn the night into day for six seconds. It can reveal secrets in even pitch-black conditions. It is also a wonderful addition to a fireworks show, especially after a grand finale.
RP Hook: Stealthed enemies roll at disadvantage to remain hidden.

"Twin Faces" Fountain Firework

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A round tube firework with a depiction of a Fox Mask wrapped around it. This firework is made to be set upon the ground before ignition.
Description: A crackling, whistling firework with two fountain 'heads'. It contains flashes of red, gold, and silver pearl comets. On completion, you may open the packaging to reveal two paper masks in the shape of a fox's face. Putting on them may have unintended consequences.
RP Hook: The first mask possesses downward eyes. Within the next sun, you will find yourself plagued by Irony as long as the mask remains on. The second mask possesses upward eyes. Within the next sun, you will find yourself irrationally delusional as long as the mask remains on. Putting both on at the same time still cause the irony and delusional effect, but amplified. The delusion/irony effects persist as long as the mask is worn. After twenty-four hours, the paper masks dissolve into ash, freeing you from the bit.

"Say Hello" Explosives Launcher

Cost: [EXPENSIVE GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A rugged, grim-looking launcher made of black iron with the words "TO MY LITTLE FRIEND" scratched into the stock.
Description: Launches a single, high-impact explosive round. It deals heavy bludgeoning and fire damage but has a massive recoil that may knock the user prone.
RP Hook: The explosion is deafening. Both the shooter and the target are temporarily deafened for one minute after firing.

"Big Bang" Mini Explosive

Cost: [Moderate Gil amount]
Appearance: An explosive no larger than a marble, painted with a tiny angry face.
Description: Don't let the size fool you. This deals massive force damage to structures. It is designed to blow locks off doors or holes in walls, not necessarily for combat (though it hurts).
RP Hook: It has a 3 second delay, which is just enough time to regret lighting it.

"Think Again" Grenade

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: A comically large-sized pull-pin style grenade.
Description: Designed to make your enemies believe it's a one-and-done dud; once thrown, this grenade will explode when it hits a surface in a pathetically small 5 feet radius with a tiny 'pop'. Give it two turns, and it will explode a second time, blasting out a 25 fulm radius.
RP Hook: For some reason, playing up the disappointment in how poorly this explosive worked the first time makes it explode with greater strength the second.

"Cheap Comedy" Dynamite Stick

Cost: [CHEAP GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: Looks like a classic red cartoon stick of dynamite with wax-coated fuse that hisses aggressively.
Description: Upon detonation, it releases a perfect blast of black soot and a flag with 'BANG!' on it. Anyone caught in the 10 fulm radius is covered in soot and has their hair blown backwards (or frizzed out) in comedic fashion.
RP Hook: Victims are stunned for a turn.

"Mischief Maker" Stink Bomb

Cost: [CHEAP GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A small glass vial filled with swirling, swamp-green gas, sealed with a suspicious amount of wax.
Description: When shattered, it releases a cloud of stench in a radius of 10 fulm.
RP Hook: Victims must succeed on a DC 10 roll or spend their turn retching. The smell lingers on clothes for 1d4 days and can't be washed out by normal means.

"Love Bomb" Grenade

Cost: [MODERATE GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A round grenade painted in obnoxiously bright pinks and reds, with a pin shaped like a broken heart.
Description: Upon detonation, it releases a cloud of pheromone-laced glitter smoke in a 20 fulm radius.
RP Hook: Everyone caught in the blast becomes irrationally, aggressively affectionate towards the nearest person for one turn. Note: Being hugged by an angry Hrothgar is still crushing damage. Use with caution.

"Devil's Advocate" Dust

Cost: [MODERATE GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A pouch of fine, sparkling grey dust that makes your nose itch just looking at it.
Description: Blow this dust into the space between two people. For the next 10 minutes, they will be physically incapable of agreeing on anything. If one says the sky is blue, the other will violently argue it's red.
RP Hook: Perfect for ruining first dates, disrupting guard patrols, or just entertaining yourself on a slow weekday afternoon.

"Phantoms arise" Smoke Bomb

Cost: [CHEAP GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A grey sphere made of compressed ash and clay, with a small wick.
Description: When lit, it creates a fog cloud radius of 10 fulms. Within the smoke, shifting silhouettes of nightmares appear. They are harmless illusions but look very real and are personalized to the victim.
RP Hook: The fog lasts 3 turns, and enemies must succeed on a DC 10 roll to see past the delusion or roll with disadvantage on attacks. They may also roll each following turn to break the fear status early.

"Pooping" Creatures

Cost: [VERY CHEAP GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A small variety of paper animals are available: foxes, cats, and rabbits. There is a wick sticking from their rear end.
Description: Who doesn't appreciate the novelty of a firework that leaves behind a blackened log? Light the wick and watch as the creature 'poops' out a long comedic trail of ash for 30 seconds. Great for children.
RP Hook: You will only be mildly judged for picking this novelty item.

"Rainbow Dreams" Paint Bomb

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: Looks like a small, harmless hand-sized ball until it is dropped. There is rainbow glittery liquid inside almost make you want to use it as a stress ball.
Description: Drop this paint bomb from 5 fulm, and watch it splatter a rainbow of color across everything in a 25 fulm radius. Exceess squeezing may lead to premature popping. It might rupture if tossed at someone or something.
RP Hook: The paint washes out with water.

"Nothing to See Here" Lipstick Pistol

Cost: [Expensive GIL Amount]
Appearance: To the untrained eye, this is merely a high-end, gold-encased tube of moisturizing lip balm. It even smells like strawberries.
Description: Vanity is a weapon, and sometimes, it’s a caliber. This single-shot micro-pistol is fired by twisting the base. It offers zero range, but it is devastating at point-blank.
RP Hook: Grants advantage on Sleight of Hand checks to smuggle weapons into secure areas.

"Boom GUN" Firework/Explosives Launcher

Cost: [EXPENSIVE GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A heavy, brass-barreled launcher etched with festive star patterns.
Description: Load the chamber and take this launcher for a spin. It can handle the girth of tiny or even large grenades and various fireworks. It can rocket said items up to 120 fulms away, igniting them in the process. Caution: depending on the item, it may begin to explode before it reaches its target.
RP Hook: For when you want to stand very, very, very far away from your mischief.

"Aether Ready" Rounds

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: Bullets made of unaspected crystal that hums when touched.
Description: These bullets absorb whatever spell is channeled into them. They bypass typical range limits, but lessen a spell's effect. For area of effect spells, they make them single-target which can be great to avoid friendly fire.
RP Hook: Channeling aether into these bullets is less straining than using the original spell. Perfect for users with aether limitations.

"Hush" Rounds

Cost: [Cheap Gil Amount]
Appearance: Matte black bullets with no markings.
Description: Upon impact, these cast silence in a 5 fulm radius for one round. No damage is dealt.
RP Hook: Used to silence enemy spellcasters or other noise makers. Caution, it may really upset magic users or your annoying ex who won't shut up.

"Snitch" Tracer Rounds

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: Bright neon purple casings.
Description: Deals minimal damage, but upon impact, the bullet splatters the target with bio-luminescent purple paint that glows for the next twenty-four hours.
RP Hook: You can run, but everyone will see you.

"Holy Water" Bullet

Cost: [Very Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: Glass casings filled with blessed water, capped with silver.
Description: Shatters on impact. Deals damage with advantage to undead (ashkin) and prevents vampires (voidsent) from regenerating for one turn.
RP Hook: Extremely expensive to manufacture, limited availability.

"Krystal Scatter" Rounds

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: Bullets made of transparent condensed crystal.
Description: These bullets explode on firing, sending shards of crystals out in a 15 fulm spray.
RP Hook: Due to their transparent nature, digging all the shards out of wounds can be a real pain.

"The Last Word" Howler Rounds

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: A hollow-point bullet.
Description: Always wanted to have the final word? This bullet screams a personally recorded five second message upon impact. Perfect for when you want your target to hear "I never loved you" right before they take damage.
RP Hook: The voice is always louder than the gunshot. Everyone within 25 fulm can overhear.

"The Classic" Flamethrower

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: A backpack nozzle and hose hook-up that requires a gas tank to use. It does come with a regular fire tank by standard, but can also use other Gas Tanks instead. Additional fire tanks may be purchased for [Moderate Gil Amount].
Description: Fires in a 15 fulm cone.
RP Hook: Each tank lasts five uses.

"Spirit Burner" Gas Tank

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: A silver tank that sprays blue fire.
Description: Specialty fuel that deals minimal damage to living flesh but deals critical damage to incorporeal undead (ashkin) and burns away magical darkness or fog.
RP Hook: The blue fire makes no sound when it burns, creating an eerie silence during battle.

"Angry Mist" Gas Tank

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: A yellow painted steel tank that sprays a green mist.
Description: Specialty fuel that poisons enemies for three turns.
RP Hook: The green mist may be blown back towards the user if the wind conditions aren't right. Masks are suggested.

"Smoking Can Heal" Gas Tank

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: A green painted steel tank with white cross that sprays a white smoke.
Description: Specialty fuel that spews a heal over time for three turns.
RP Hook: The area that contains the smoke must be remained in for the full duration. Might heal enemies on accident if they step into the area.

"Telebond" Ring

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: A simple silver band that has been enchanted.
Description: Allows the wearer to communicate telepathically within the plane of existence to up to six connected individuals if they accept the mental connection. Only thoughts that wish to be relayed are relayed. It lasts for three hours.
RP Hook: Simple images can be shown to others, and the connection can be severed at any time.

"Denial" Brooch

Cost: [Cheap Gil Amount]
Appearance: A brooch made of rubies in a diamond shape.
Description: While wearing this brooch, you cannot hear insults. They sound like compliments to you.
RP Hook: By wearing this brooch, you accept the delusion. We do not take responsibility if you get punched.

"Heavy Conscience" Necklace

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: A delicate silver chain holding a simple, clear stone.
Description: The stone is enchanted to react to the wearer's guilt. The more you lie or perform acts you secretly regret, the physically heavier the necklace becomes.
RP Hook: A great way to prove your honesty, or a terrible way to develop neck pain. If you feel nothing, you are either a saint or a sociopath.

"Soul-Link" Twin Earrings

Cost: [Expensive Gil Amount]
Appearance: Two single long, dangling earrings with matching gemstone patterns. Several types are available.
Description: Whenever a wearer thinks of another wearer, a sensation is transmitted to the other person. This works both way.
RP Hook: The sensation can be adjusted to be stronger or weaker, or even made different from one another depending on what the two wearers would want. Just inquire.

"Bleeding Heart" Locket

Cost: [EXPENSIVE GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A heavy, heart-shaped locket forged from folded crucible steel. The metal bears a natural, rippled pattern that resembles withered roses - or perhaps muscle fibers. A small, water-tight crystal vial hangs from the bottom point like a permanent tear.
Description: The deepest cuts are dealt by lovers, so we forged this heart from blade steel. When a drop of the partner's 'vital essence' is placed in the vial and the locket is worn against the skin, the metal warms and throbs in perfect sync with the donor's heartbeat.
RP Hook: You will feel their heart race in real-time. Whether it beats fast from passion, fear, or because they are lying to your face.. well, that is for you to figure out.

"Sticky Fingers" Bracelet

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: A leather cuff with small magnetic stones sewn into the lining.
Description: Grants advantage on Sleight of Hand checks. However, small metallic objects (spoons, coins, keys) will randomly stick to the bracelet without the user noticing.
RP Hook: Don't go into a needle factory, the results might not be great.

"I Think I Can Fly" Anklet

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: A delicate gold chain with small winged charms.
Description: Grants the wearer the ability to fall off cliffs in style and make it down alive. However, the magic only works if the user flaps their arms vigorously while falling.
RP Hook: What you have to do may look absolutely ridiculous, but it can save your life.

"False Confidence" Cufflinks

Cost: [Cheap Gil Amount]
Appearance: Heavy golden cufflinks shaped like four-leaf clovers.
Description: While wearing these, the user feels incredibly capable. They will confidently attempt tasks they have no skill in.
RP Hook: The cufflinks provide zero bonuses to rolls. They only provide the unearned confidence to try and fail spectacularly.

"Just A Normal" Ring

Cost: [Expensive GIL Amount]
Appearance: A ring so nondescript that describing it is difficult. It’s.. round? Maybe silver? You’ve already forgotten what it looks like.
Description: Exhausted by destiny? Tired of people asking about your glowing eyes or cursed bloodline? This ring dampens your aetheric presence and forcibly suppresses your exceptional skills, dragging you down to a comfortable, safe average.
RP Hook: While worn, you register to all magical and physical detection as completely average. It is the ultimate camouflage for those with 'special problems' who need to disappear into the crowd.

"The Tattletale" Mood Ring

Cost: [Cheap GIL Amount]
Appearance: A solid metal band that shifts colors violently, like oil on water.
Description: Do you have a hard time deciphering your own mood? Do you enjoy lying to yourself about being 'fine'? This ring bypasses your denial and displays your actual emotional state in bright, unignorable neon.
RP Hook: Emotions are complicated, but this ring is loud. It reveals up to three distinct emotions the wearer is feeling at any given moment - even the ones they are trying to hide.

"Krystal Rose" Paperweight

Cost: [Very Expensive GIL Amount]
Appearance: A masterpiece of lapidary art. A full bloom carved from solid gemstone set upon a stem of sharp, unyielding platinum or gold thorns and leaves. It is heavy, cold, and flawlessly beautiful. A variety of carved gemstones are available.
Description: Real roses wither. Real love fades. But a rock? A rock is forever. This flagship creation of the Krystal Clan is designed to be the last gift you ever need to buy. It is the perfect symbol for a relationship you refuse to let die.
RP Hook: Each stone conveys a different message. Inquire with us to determine one to best fit your need.

"Midnight" Hair Pin

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: A sharp, dangerous-looking hairpin made of obsidian that has been shaped into a rose.
Description: Keeps hair perfectly in place. In combat, it can be pulled out and used as a dagger. There is a hidden compartment in the spine that accepts poison, and if used in combat, will break off to poison your enemy.
RP Hook: It is nearly impossible to detect this hair pin's true purpose if one isn't familiar with this make.

"Kitten Claws" Nail Guards

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: Articulated gold or silver rings that cover the entire fingertip, ending in a point sharp enough to cut glass.
Description: For the Miqo'te who thinks their natural claws are 'too quaint', or the Hyur who is tired of being at the bottom of the food chain. These add a lethal slash to your handshake.
RP Hook: Decorative enough to appear like simple jewelry until it is slicing your enemy's throat.

"Eat Your Feelings" Cake

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: Comes in small box. It is A personal-sized cake elaborately decorated with glitter, fondant flowers, and elegant icing. On top of it is a very simple 'SORRY'. Additionally: The definition of 'personal-sized' is dependent on how much cake the customer needs to eat their feelings entirely. It may contain extra tiers, depending on how complex those feelings are. It's also just the right flavor to hit that sweet itch.
Description: Ever had the gnawing wish that you could just eat your feelings? Krystalline now offers a cake just for that purpose. Slapped with a 'SORRY' lovingly inscribed by the owners, you can't help but wonder if you might be eating their feelings too.
RP Hook: It's just cake. You will get a tummy ache if your feelings are super-sized.

"Emergency" Breakfast

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A tin containing a single, perfectly preserved, rock-hard pancake.
Description: For when you ask for a medic, but someone tells you to eat breakfast instead. This petrified disc is aerodynamically perfect for throwing at the head of someone who is aggressively missing the point. Smells faintly of maple syrup and betrayal.
RP Hook: It might be edible if one tries hard enough.

"Innocence Stolen" Coffee Biscuits Bag

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A small bag of six coffee biscuits. None of them look suspicious in any way.
Description: Once upon a time, a boy tried his mother's cookies and found that they had been tampered with. In spirit of that, we have tampered with exactly one to all of the cookies in this bag. It won't kill you, but the heat might cause you to cry.
RP Hook: Roll /random 6. Any natural 1s are tampered with cookies, and are incredibly spicy.

"Mystery" Jarred Meat

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: It's.. meat? Like in a jar. It's.. pink.
Description: A special item purely for a returning customer. It's just canned meat of a dubious kind. There is enough available for others to buy too.
RP Hook: Why would you want a jar of meat?

"Fishie's Favorite" Fish Popsicles

Cost: [Very CHEAP GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: Two options are available: ground up fish put on a wooden stick and frozen solid. Or the more boring kind of just a regular fruit popsicle frozen into a fish shape.
Description: Named for a beloved sister with questionable culinary tastes. Lovingly sold for her and any other weirdos who think seafood makes a good dessert.
RP Hook: If you just ask for a fishsicle, you are going to get the ground fish variety.

"Gossip's Tongue" Rum

Cost: [Moderate GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A fairly typical rum bottle with a label slapped over it. To someone with an ounce of wit, Krystalline did not make this product.
Description: Cat got your tongue? Have a shot of this rum with friends, and be prepared for loose lips. Nothing says honesty like Gossip's tongue rum.
RP Hook: The placebo effect is strong. We hold no legal responsibility if you confess to a federal crime just because you drank regular, overpriced rum and thought it was a truth serum.

"Look, we have it now" Tea

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: Mystery tea in filter bags.
Description: Here, we have tea now. Enjoy.
RP Hook: It tastes like how one would think tea would taste like. There is nothing remarkable here.

"Suspicious" Milk

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A carton of milk. It's surprisingly ice cold to the touch.
Description: REgular cold milk. It might go well with the different dessert options, or the coffee.
RP Hook: It's a little weird that they are just selling a carton of milk. And no, they won't tell you what kind of milk it is.

"Rewind Time" Ale

Cost: [Expensive GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A fairly typical wooden barrel of ale. A label has been slapped over it. To someone with an ounce of wit, Krystalline did not make this product.
Description: Though it requires heavy consumption, this product has been known to transport customers back in time to their childhoods, or other important memories. Perhaps, with a spot of Delusion, you can change the past for yourself, or at least get a better grasp on "when it all went so, so wrong". If it isn't working yet, drink more.
RP Hook: You will get fabulously smashed, and the only time traveling you actually do will be purely in your mind. Too bad you won't remember it failing to work by the time you finish drinking.

"Soup Pot of" Coffee

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: An actual soup pot that is filled with heavily sugared coffee. Will later function as a regular soup pot. Comes with lid.
Description: For when you just need to get some work done and nothing else has cut it.
RP Hook: Promises to keep you up for the next twelve hours. If it fails to keep that promise, oh well, you already paid.

"Blind Pick" Mystery Box

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: Heavy wooden crates, nailed shut with excessive force. Some of them tick. Some of them rattle. One of them smells like lavender and gunpowder.
Description: The owners packed these during a fugue state. We honestly have no idea what is inside. It could be a diamond. It could be a brick. It could be a very angry rat. The only way to find out is to buy it and open it - preferably away from our shop.
RP Hook: Roll /random 40 to determine the contents. Results range from 'insulting trash' to 'priceless artifacts', with a healthy dose of 'dangerous explosives' in the middle. No Refunds.

"The Impulsive Thought" Button

Cost: [Very Cheap Gil Amount]
Appearance: A small, innocuous black box with a single, satisfyingly clicky red button on top. It has no wires and no discernible power source.
Description: The ultimate test of willpower. Does it do something? Nothing? Everything? We built it during a bout of insomnia and we genuinely cannot remember if we wired it to a confetti cannon or a shaped charge. There is only one way to find out.
RP Hook: Roll /random 4. 1-3 do nothing. 4 is an airhorn.

"Seriously Just A" Shrine Rat

Cost: [Moderate Gil Amount]
Appearance: A young, intelligent rat with a long tail and oversized ears. Available in various shades (Sewer Grey, Sandy Brown, Laboratory White, Void Black, Motted Mixed). They may grow to be cat-sized.
Description: The Owners believe there are never enough rats out in the world. It is their belief that every family eventually has a Krystalline Shrine rat, and you are no exception. Comes with care kit.
RP Hook: Upon purchase, a minor sympathetic pact is sealed to ensure the creature's continued safety. Any negative experience the rat suffers under your care will be instantly and ironically reflected upon you. For your own self-preservation, do not hurt the rat. Additionally, it may develop certain features known to Kyūso with the right care.

"Inner Joke" Catnip Toy

Cost: [Cheap GIL AMOUNT]
Appearance: A decent amount of catnip is sewn into small stuffed animals that are shaped like birds, cats, or bees. The perfect size for kittens or cats.
Description: A perfectly fine toy to drive your pets up a wall as they scramble to get to it. Some react with hyperactivity, some with violence, while others just mellow out.
RP Hook: Attracts cats, gaelicats, highly scent-sensitive miqo'te, hrothgar, and sometimes foxes.

"Your Partner in Crime" Blessing

Cost: [One Secret Confession about the 'Friend']
Description: To cause a little havoc on your behalf, we now accept blessings requests towards your friends, family, and friend-enemies. They must be present in the nearby area, but with a little donation to our shrine of your secret feelings towards them, we will work on your behalf to give them a playful little blessing. Keep in mind, it will only work if they are open to a spot of delusion.
RP Hook: Requires OOC consent by the player who is getting this wayward blessing. Will last thirty to an hour (their choice).

"Your Heart's Greatest Desire" Blessing

Cost: [ONE DEEPLY PERSONAL SECRET]
Description: "How do you have that?" One might ask. But are you certain it is worth looking a gift horse in the mouth to see how it works? The rules are simple: you have three hours with whatever it is you desire. Once time is up, there will be a deep emptiness within your heart.
RP Hook: Such is just a Delusion, a madness of your mind. No one else will see as you see, but you do not hear their concerns. You are fully convinced that this is real.

"Krystalline Shrine" Donation

Cost: [CHEAP GIL AMOUNT]
Description: Donate your hard earned coins or secrets to our shrine. Become a devoted follower today. Who knows what may come when you have us on your side.
RP Hook: Roll /random 7 for an RP effect. Each last 30 minutes to 1 hour (your choice).

"Trickster's Intervention" Calling Crystal

Cost: [One Deeply Personal Secret]
Appearance: A pale golden crystal housed in a purple velvet clam shell box.
Description: Oh dear. Sometimes you need a helping hand in a situation so dire, one must be delusional to think there will ever be a good solution to get out of it. Should you crush this crystal in the palm of your hand, an owner of Krystalline will arrive to assist for as long or as short as they desire. It's also perfectly fine to invite them for ice cream date or something so mundane that screams "please cause havoc!" Warning: sometimes Irony gets the better hand and the crystal refuses to be crushed.
RP Hook: A discord handle will be made available for you to contact should you need specialized assistance. Typically this should about 30 minutes to one hour, depending on you and their availability. However, if the owner is unavailable during that timeslot, you will still retain the use of your crystal for future calls.

March 1

Name: Jade Dragon Market
Date: Sunday, Mar 1st @ 9PM EST
World: Crystal, Brynhildr
Location: Mist, Near W6 P30

March 7

Name: Three Wishes
Date: Saturday, Mar 7th @ 3PM EST
World: Crystal, Mateus
Location: Ruby Sea, Isari

March 5

Name: Kugane Night Market
Date: Thursday, Mar 5th @ 8PM EST
World: Crystal, Coeurl
Location: Kugane, Rakuza District

March 8

Name: Hunter's Bazaar Market
Date: Sunday, Mar 8th @ 9PM EST
World: Crystal, Coeurl
Location: Western Thanalan, Silver Bazaar